


Oakenshields

by ArtyMissK



Series: Poems, Mathoms & Other Things [22]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, I'm Sorry Tolkien, International Condom Day, you were warned!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 02:30:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9695735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtyMissK/pseuds/ArtyMissK
Summary: The brave darrow who once upon a time retook a homeland and slayed a dragon, restoring the might of dwarves and the magic of Erebor to it's former glory have now as one turned their efforts toward inventing, with varying degrees of success.This drabble was brought to you in celebration of February 13th also known as INTERNATIONAL CONDOM DAY!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Standard disclosures are still standard, all characters belong to the immortal Prof. Tolkien.

The brave darrow who once upon a time retook a home land and slayed a dragon, restoring the might of dwarves and the magic of Erebor to it's former glory have now as one turned their efforts toward inventing, with varying degrees of success.

 

They are currently as one seated in the group workshop discussing the nature of the latest ground breaking discovery.

 

“What use is that?” asks Dori incredulously, while Dwalin, the surprisingly soft fingered dwarf waved an object that looked surprisingly similar to a deflated balloon about in his face.

 

Gently stroking down his silky white beard Balin started to explain quietly and diplomatically, (as he does during council meetings with Dain “It stops your semen-“

 

“Seamen? I’m not a sailor!” shouted Nori in response.

 

“I can't swim!” called Kili worriedly.

 

“That means you don't have any.” added Bofur unhelpfully, giggling merrily to himself.

 

“No! it doesn't.” continued Balin, trying to placate a now terrified looking Kili and keep control of the situation.

 

Taking a deep breath Balin turned to his younger brother who was oh-so-helpfully rolling up said object.

 

“Look lads, this stops you soldiers from taking over the castle.” started Balin, taking said object by the end and with a delicate flick of the wrist it slowly unrolled, much like the way young Kili’s tongue does when he sees, a pretty elfmaid or a good meal or…well, anything that takes his fancy really!

 

“We could make a killing, the menfolk breed like hobbits, no offence Bilbo.” commented Gloin from the back of the room, working the figures no doubt.

 

“None taken, I…actually, there are a few hobbits I can think of who should probably have some of those.” replied Bilbo, mentally working out ways and means of sending them to the Sackville-Bagginses.

 

“What are you calling them?” asked Bofur, hoping that as the most successful dwarf (in the ladies department at least) the magic object would be named after him.

 

“Johnnies.” answered Balin promptly, ignoring all looks of disappointment from more than one member of the company gathered.

 

“But, but that makes it sound like they belong to Johnny!” stuttered Dwalin in disbelief, really he had hoped they’d agree to name it ‘The Dwalin’.

 

“How so brother dear?” asked the older dwarf, knowing full well this could become a full scale argument.

 

“It sounds like, ya know…you can't play with that it John’s!” continued the mighty dwarf warrior in a not-at-all whiny voice.

 

Before anything else could be said Ori came back from the printing press where he was running a few test ideas for packaging and other useful information. “I just need a name and then the posters are ready to be pressed.” he said proudly showing off his test prints.

 

“What about Oakenshields.” piped Thorin who had otherwise had little to do with the conversation so far.

 

“You’d call everything Oakenshields.” cried Dwalin, his broad shoulders sagging.

 

“No, no actually that's not bad.” said Balin thoughtfully,

 

“Hmm?” came the collective noise of the darrow.

 

“Yes, I think that will do nicely,” the white haired dwarf paused in deep thought for a moment, one hand twirling his beard the other an Oakenshield, before raising said hand into the air and with all the effort he could muster cried “Oakenshields, never go into battle without one!”

 

~

 

And thus the conundrum was ended and a Middle Earth wide company created at the same time.

  

~

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, if you liked this please do comment, I haven’t written anything for nearly a year so all comments are greatly appreciated ☺


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